Finding the right time to discuss your parents wishes for their retirement years seems overwhelming to many, but Forbes outlines a few creative ways to bring up the conversation as well as important to-do’s and documents that should be discussed. Do your parents have an estate plan or a living will? Do they know if they want to stay at home or move into community living? Do they know the pros and cons of either?
In a world where more and more children are preparing to finance their aging parents care, it is important to bring these conversations up as a family and with enough time to allow for planning.
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I have always thrived in careers where I can help people. I spent my first 20 plus years out of college in various Human Resources roles from assisting in job placements, navigating employees with the complexity of health insurance, and providing at-work accommodations to employees with various levels of needs. During this time I also became a personal trainer and focused primarily on working with aging clients to encourage them to stay active, maintain their balance, and avoid osteoporosis. 
With the loss of my Father In Law thrusting my family’s life in to a spiral as they tried to navigate care options, Hospice, and even just “the new day to day” when the stable rock of the family suddenly needed help, life took a new perspective for me. My corporate career just did not seem fulfilling in the right way for me personally and my husband and I knew we wanted to do something more meaningful for us in impacting others.
When I was a kid I thought my grandpa was a cowboy. He owned horses, he chewed a toothpick between his lips, and he wore a Stetson cowboy hat. While he wasn’t really a bonafide cowboy, he did wear many different hats throughout his 94 years. He first wore an apprentice cap before donning a fireman’s helmet working for LAFD until his retirement. That’s when he wore a bucket hat, while he and my grandmother would sit in their tiny rowboat, casting fishing lines into the lake that was nestled at the perimeter of their property.
Inspiration.Kindness.Compassion.Patience. Perseverance. These are a few of the words that come to mind when I think of my mom. She was the oldest of six girls who grew up in a small fishing village called Spencer's Cove located on Long Island in Newfoundland. She left the island at the age of 17 and by the time she was 20 she was a registered nurse. I had the privilege of growing up with this amazing woman who, as my role model, was instrumental in shaping my life. My own career path took me into hospitals and skilled nursing facilities as a Registered Dietitian. My first opportunity to work with seniors began in a Continuing Care Retirement Community when I was a twenty-something Dietitian. While I have worn many hats through my career, it is those first years of working in a retirement community that left a lasting impression. I can recall many of the residents, the stories we shared and the impact they had on my life. Part of my professional and personal journey has been learning to understand dementia and dementia care.There is nothing more informative than being thrown into the deep end of the pool while helping a loved one with dementia. That’s what it felt like after my mom was diagnosed with Azheimer’s disease. While I learned a lot through supporting my mom during this time, I also began working in a senior community that specializes in dementia care. Being in the presence of over one hundred residents who have been diagnosed with dementia reinforces the value of listening, patience and truly being in the moment.
After spending the first 20+ years of my professional life in Hospitality Sales and Marketing for some of the largest hotel companies in the world, I had created a comfortable life for myself working in corporate America. And yet, after spending so many hours each day creating vacations and corporate travel programs, I couldn’t help but feel there was something more I could be doing each day to impact the greater societal good. Then, as is the case with many “adult children” both of my parents were diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses. My mother’s breast cancer had recurred after 30 years in remission and my father’s bladder cancer was a first-time diagnosis. We were faced with the frightening realization that although effective, the treatments would not save my mom’s life this time, and my father, while given a few more years of life, would ultimately succumb to his disease. Walking my parents through their end-of-life processes gave me an “up close” view of what the aging and medical processes are like in the United States. It is overwhelming caring for aging and often medically ill parents, raising young children, and still managing demanding careers working full time. To say it is a lot to handle is putting it mildly. 
People often tell me I have an old soul. I prefer to say that I’m “well-seasoned” mixed with a bit of grit that can only come from being raised in a large midwestern family with solid kindred ties. 
From the time I was a child, spending time with elders has always been a part of who I am. My god-parents were Native American and I believe that is where my admiration, my understanding and my compassion truly stemmed from, as their culture defined what it is to respect your elders. I always had an unwavering desire to help those older than me with chores, companionship and anything else that makes their lives easier and more meaningful. The gift of hearing life stories being told and watching faces light up in delight that someone wanted to hear more, will always be my favorite part of spending time with clients and elder friends.
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